Embracing the “I” in me

Today I got to thinking about my “I” and my “me.” “I” wanted to sing out loud as I made my way across campus to Old Main, but my “me” stepped in and let me know people would think I was a crazy person if that happened. So in the end, my “me” won, and I walked silently. Let me backtrack a little. In my communication theory class we have been talking about symbolic interactionism, which explores how our identity is created through our communication with others. In this theory, one’s “self” is part of an ongoing process of combining the “I” and the “me.”

The “I” is the creative, spontaneous, and impulsive self. My “I” is the person I am down to my very core – the person that abandons all sense of the world and dances freely around my apartment when no one else is there. Whereas the “me” refers to the action of guarding, evaluating, and modifying what I do based on how society perceives me (or how I think I am perceived). This is the person that stops the moment I hear my roommates come in, not wanting them to think I am weird.

Learning about these battling selves is both exposing and freeing. And after thinking about who my “I” is and who my “me” is, I find that I like “I” a whole lot better. I am beginning to see why I am so shy in public – I let my “me” take over. I like the person I am when no one else is around, or when in the company of close friends or family – my “I” is real, alive, and beautiful. But the moment I step into a crowded room or walk down the street, my “me” guard goes up and stifles any “I” thoughts that may come into my mind. Out of fear, my “me” modifies my actions in a way that overwhelms the warm and friendly nature of my “I.”

Now that I am aware of these two selves I did not know existed, I want to be aware of moments where my “me” kicks in. I love my “I,” and think the world might too if I give it a chance to.

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