all that i want
I’ve been looking forward to posting all week, although I’m not really sure why. Everything is much the same as usual. Except warmer and sunnier. Oh, and more overshadowed by the up-coming finals.
I’m introspective. I admit it, with a little chagrin, because it often makes me seem melodramatic or something as I consider and examine and re-hash the events of my life. At every landmark event I’m looking back and evaluating, setting new goals for myself. And when it comes to reminiscing, I win at loquaciousness.
Why am I thinking this? Some of my friends who’ve graduated already came up to visit this week, and now I’m feeling all nostalgic. My old roommate, Jess, is home from Palestine for a while, and my friend Matt came to celebrate the end of our four years together. It feels oddly like freshman year to me, with my friends-becoming-as-close-as-family all gathered around goofing off and doing things like improv comedy on the lawn in front of Eisenhower. Yes, I’m a little homesick for those times. We had a particular table in Lottie that everyone came to every night, and we had dinners and goofed off like crazy. I even miss knowing that at some point in any given conversation all the boys will veer off into geek-speak and I’ll just have to shake my head.
And for the great times in Bertram House. I moved in with five girls I barely knew, and they welcomed me like one of their own. I still value those late nights drinking tea and talking very highly; I’ve tried before to find words for such a profound experience of acceptance and community, but there never seems to be enough linguistic depth.
They’re all graduating, though, and I’ll be left to finish my one extra semester in relative solitude. Which maybe means I will get more work done. But it also means I will definitely be more bored.
For once, I’m starting a sad countdown: 22 days until graduation.
But I’ll balance it with a relatively happy countdown: 14 days until my last final exam.
landmark occasions
Wow. Deep breath. This week has been momentous.
I learned how to make a fried egg/dippy egg/egg sunny-side-up without breaking the yoke. I dropped my phone in the toilet. The phone made a miraculous recovery and is now working like a charm.
I saw Blithe Spirit, Theatre Messiah’s spring production. So funny! I always enjoy plays more when I know someone in them. . . but I think I would’ve enjoyed this play regardless. I mean, who doesn’t love after-life intrigue? And crazy but true hippies?
I went to an opera in Philadelphia. I’d never seen one before. In fact, I’d never listened to an opera the entire way through before. But I had a lot of fun. Who knew that Gauls fighting Romans, love, infidelity, and angst sung splittingly loud in Italian could actually be a good time? But my friend Lucy talked Greg and I into going, and (except for the getting lost part coming back) it was great fun. Greg and I decided, though, that if you’re singing opera and you don’t mean it, probably your head explodes from the strength of your own voice. Also, opera singers were probably like the bagpipers of the archaic day. You know, they would go in front of the army and sing really loudly to deafen their opponents. Opera as a ninja-kick in the face.
I also got a massive cold that has me sounding like. . . well, probably what Mickey Mouse would sound like if he was also a chain smoker. Raspy, but sometimes my voice gives out and just squeaks uncontrollably. Hopefully it gets better before my poetry reading.
The Compassion Forum happened on campus. It was busy and exciting. One of my roommates actually got to attend the forum in person, the other roommate went to the watch party, and I watched it in the apartment on TV with Greg. We all re-convened later in the night to discuss it excitedly and then to watch the re-airing at 11 p.m. I’m not sure it changed my vote. But it certainly made me very, very happy. I don’t even like politics that much. And when it comes to faith and politics together, I generally get a little squeamish. But here were two candidates not using their faith as a rhetorical weapon against someone else, or claiming God’s imperative about their election, but honestly discussing what they believe and how it would affect their policy. Some of the questions asked were a little ludicrous. . . but enlightening. I particularly liked Hillary Clinton’s response about evil in the world: that its very existence is a call to action for people of faith, even if we are never able to explain why evil happens.
Someone pointed out to me the interesting gender split in naming landmarks. If there is a lake or a mountain named after a woman, it is named after their first name. If there is a landmark named after a man, it is named after their last name. It’s the same with political candidates. We call them “Hillary,” “Obama,” and “McCain.” Why is it that the female candidate is the only one referred to by her first name?
That’s the mystery of the week. I dare you to solve it.
Filed under general | Comment (1)“in our rooms filled with laughter we make hope from every small disaster.”
I approach every weekend thinking I will get massive amounts of work done. This is what’s known as optimism. Or maybe false hopes or the road to heck paved with good intentions. Because inevitably I get drawn into reading a fascinating book that’s just not related to schoolwork, hanging out with friends, researching potential post-graduation job opportunities, or simply playing an old video game (you techno-savvy readers will laugh at me, probably, for being so behind the times, but lately I love to play the old Gamecube games of Zelda and Mario).
I have two new folders sitting on my desk, and they are labeled “Things I could do after graduation” and “Submission guidelines.” Yes, that’s right, I’m beginning the slow decision-making process of what I want to try and do after I graduate, and I’m also beginning to submit my poems to publications and contests outside Messiah’s close, comforting community. Yesterday I spent my evening readying a submission to the Rectangle and e-mailed it after careful proofreading and a careful refusal to let myself get freaked out. Deep breath! I’m carefully and sternly preparing myself for a rejection letter in September, when all the submissions have been tallied and weighed. But I’m also one of those people where a tiny, stubborn, secret little hope is always in the back of my mind.
My latest and greatest homework-avoidance technique is to visit Barnes & Nobles or Borders and browse their magazine section. Now that I’ve decided the number one most desirable job for me after graduating is to work for a magazine, I’m all about researching ones I’d like to write for. I’m also seeking literary magazines who might, just might, at least read my poems if not publish them. I find myself picking up magazines like “American Craft” and “Sculpture” even though I have little knowledge or interest in creating either of those genres, simply because I’m so CURIOUS about what’s going on in the real world of people making things for a living.
Oh, graduation. Even though for me it’s not happening until December, it’s so full of possibilities (and fears) that I can’t help thinking about it pretty much all the time and wondering how on earth I’ll be able to make a living. But lots of other people have graduated before me without resorting to living on the streets, so it will probably work out alright. =)
Have a lovely weekend. . . for once the weather might actually cooperate!
Filed under general | Comment (0)“what can i compare you to? a window the sun shines through?”
Sorry this is a late post, my readers! Although senior show is over, it turns out that when I’m not swamped I get less done. Have you ever discovered that before? it strikes me as odd. But so odd that it is probably true for a large majority of the population.
I feel like we should have exit interviews for senior show. Where every professor will take us aside and de-brief us so we can adjust to life “outside.” That makes senior show sound like prison. But really, I feel as if I lack purpose, cosmically speaking. I have plenty of other work to do, but very little of it demands the attention, care, engagement, and passion that my senior show demanded of me.
And, I’m not going to lie, that makes this week a difficult one. I flew high for a while about this exhibit, and now I’m ready to get down to work again. Maybe just a little bit of artwork, without a real deadline, but still I would like to feel my feet on solid ground again! And that means my hands covered in ink and my feet on the floor of my warehouse studio. I’ll try to understand, though, that everything I make will probably seem horrible and very frustrating compared to a finished piece which people actually liked!
I also might mix it up a little with creative work. I recently got my violin bow re-haired and my dad replaced some strings for me over spring break, so I’d like to begin doing scales again and just see if I can remember how to be in tune. =)
Filed under general | Comment (0)