look in your heart and you'll find

This week I have experienced such a great deal of change in all that is going on. While I have spent much of the semester stressed and constantly worrying about what it to come, this week has brought me emotions which have been of excitement and encouragement. Even though the semester is wrapping up which in turn means loads of work and projects and finals, I am quite content about them. It is also nice to realize that God has had a plan for me and that God has always been looking over me ready to provide these green pastures on the other side. And now that is where I hope to be finding myself. After visiting with my family last week, I have felt much more at peace and calm about my life. Even though we were meeting in a time of grieving, we were able to gather together as a family, tell stories about the past, and enjoy the time we had together. It was a much needed time for all of us I am sure. After arriving back on campus over the weekend and starting classes, I began to notice a huge change in how I was feeling and how I was focusing on the life ahead of me. While I hadn’t fully realized how stressed, worried and frazzled I have been over the course of the semester, I now realize that I am no longer as stressed, worried or frazzled as I apparently had been. It is nice to be able to end the semester with happy feelings instead of the aparent distress I have been in. I can now look forward to Centenial Ball on Saturday, the ending of classes, reading day, and the end of Junior year.

Now after being back from Easter break I feel once again as if it has been forever since I have last written. After only being back to Messiah for just over a week before having another break for Easter, I can feel the stress of the next five weeks while we move into the end of the semester without breaking again before the end. I have had a great few weeks though. Including the nice break with family that I had over Easter, the past two weeks have been a great blessing and two is continuing with that trend.

Today has been one Amazing day and it is not even over yet. I started my day out being very nervous because I had to teach my first full fledged lesson in my second grade classroom today. Even though I had written lesson plans and prepared myself, I still did not feel completely prepared for what I was going to have to do. Once the lesson began this morning however, I felt that everything was going the way I had imagined and all of the children were actually understanding and having fun with my lesson. I was even able to get great feedback from b oth my college supervisior and my supervising teacher. With another lesson set up for next Tuesday which I am also nervous about I am extremely excited to have that positivity going into next week’s lesson.

Today is also TOMS Shoes One Day Without Shoes event, which has been quite a humbling experience. TOMS shoes is a company that provides a pair of shoes for a child in need with every pair of shoes that is purchased ( http://www.toms.com/ ). I recieved my first pair of TOMS for Christmas and have fallen in love with them. They are by far the most comfortable pair of shoes ever. Today though, I am going without them, because of this event. Every year TOMS sponsors a One Day Without Shoes event in order to gain awareness for their cause. There are children all over the world that go shoeless everyday of thier lives and are therefore subject to a number of diseases and infections. Shoes are something I have been priviledged to have my entire life and going without shoes for only one day has been slightly more difficult than I had expected. Even the smallest tasks and walking the shortest distances seems longer and more exhausting. While I am enjoying walking through the grass in my bare feet, always walking with barefeet is not all that it is cracked up to be and I am truely blessed to be able to having numerous pairs of shoes at hand to wear any time I would like.

I feel like it has been forever since I’ve written and there is no way I can write all that has happened in the past two weeks. Exactly two weeks ago from today though, my spring break started. That afternoon, the gospel choir left for our tour to Canada. Despite my nervous before leaving since I had done a great deal of the planning myself, tour was absolutely amazing. I can’t even describe in words how rewarding the trip was and how close the choir became because of it. It is amazing how we can spend at least two hours a week together as a choir and not truly know each other. During our five days on tour though, we became like family. We were able to all be impacted in such a strong way by those we sang for and those we were singing with. No matter where we were singing, at the school, a mega church, or a small country church, we were able to gather together and worship God as a group. After traveling and singing with them from Niagara, Toronto, New York, and back to Grantham, I was actually upset to have to go home for the rest of my spring break.

I definitely enjoyed my time at home though. While I spent a lot of time by myself doing nothing, it was nice to not have to worry about work and to take that time to relax. I did get to see my friends as well and get a little bit of school work done, so the entire week wasn’t completely wasted on nothing either.

Being back at school has been hard to get back into the swing of things. While break rejuvinated me it also helped to make me lazy. Being that I have been back into four days of classes though I feel as if I am getting used to being back again. Next week I will already be back in Indiana for Easter and despite just having a break, it will be nice to have a break again with family and friends.

This week is that last week before spring break. I am super excited for spring break this year not only because I will be able to get a break from classes and hopefully have time to relax at home, but also because United Voices of Praise will be traveling to Canada. We will be leaving Thursday afternoon and missing classes on Friday in order to go into a Christian school in Niagara. I can not wait to leave. It is sure to be an amazing time. Last year our group traveled to Ohio and had a blast. Through the three days we spent together on the bus and singing with each other, we were able to become so much closer as a group. After tour it was amazing to see all of the positive changes to the choir. This year we will be gone from Thursday to Monday and in a foreign country, so I can’t even imagine how much better it is going to be from last year. After all of the planning that I have put into the trip, I am slightly worried about how it will inevitably turn out in the end, but I believe that it will be wonderful and that great things are going to happen to us and through us! In the next entry I write I am sure that I will have great things to say, and I will be thrilled to write about what has happened. I have to get through the rest of this week though with a few projects and tests still to come though before I can officially head out. It is sure to be an amazing time though and I can not wait to see all that is going to come my way.

Things have been picking up now that we are getting to the half way point in the semester. Like I said at the end of last week, the amount of things going on in my life has been stressful. I feel as if I have so much reading, work, and studying to do, but at the same time I am unable to do a great deal of it yet.  For the past week, I feel as if my brain has been thinking and working non-stop. Saturday early afternoon I hit a breaking point worrying about all of the work I had to do before Monday and then hearing about the Earthquake in Chile. A week ago two of my really good friends from Messiah left to do a semester abroad in Chile. Without knowing where the earthquake had occured my brain instantly thought of the worst and I freaked out. Having just spoken to the one the night before (only one hour before the earthquake hit), I couldn’t imagine that being me last interaction with them. With that said it was definitely not my last interaction with them and they are fine, but all my worrying about my own stresses escalated my worries about them. I finally was able to sign on to facebook and see that they were safe and even though I was shaken up I was able to move on to my project and later my loads of other work.

As this week has progressed, the stress has stayed, but so far no more breakdowns, and I hope there will be no more to come. Despite the busyness of this junior year, taking it one day at a time needs to become my way to deal with what is thrown my way. While this weekend is going to be yet another weekend of non-stop thinking, I know I don’t have to worry. I’ll get through it just like I did last weekend. While a breakdown might come every once in awhile and the worries of life might become too great, there really is no need to worry. You will make it through from day to day. If everything on your list doesn’t get done or if you don’t succeed in every task, that’s ok. None of us are able to be 100% perfect 100% of the time, and that’s all ok.

Yesterday United Voices of Praise traveled to Twin Valley Alliance in Williamstown, PA to do a service. It was one of the best service that I have been privileged to be a part of during my time in UVP. While the morning began looking as if it was going to be a disaster, it ended up being amazing.

I arrived in Eisenhower at 7:00 to find only one other person, which is to be expected. As we waited for the others to arrive, one texted me and said she had just woken up and would be there asap and another driver never showed and never answered any of my phone calls. After getting my own vehicle and coming back to Eisenhower a number of choir members had arrived but it was well short of the number who said they were actually going to come. After awhile the band packed up and left before the rest of us expecting to arrive at the church and set up to be ready once the rest of the choir arrived. While waiting for our fifth driver to arrive (our sixth never showing up), a handful more choir members came. The other four vans set off set off soon with the perfect amount of seats for every member who had showed up to go. Arriving at the church, we found that the band had yet to arrive. They had taken a wrong turn and coincidently had gotten lost, leaving the choir with no band, a few songs in desperate need of practicing and only an hour until the service. The band did show up a little while later after a few quick directions, got set up, and we were left with just enough time to practice before 10:00 when the service was to begin. Once the service began and we got up onto the steps, all of the worries of the morning disappeared. The mood of the choir, the cogregation and the room was all that of worship. As opposed to a number of churches our choir goes to, the congregation at Twin Valley joined right along in with us and continued to visably join us in worship throughout the morning. Our energy fed into them, and we were able to fed off of thier spiritual energy as well. There was not a soul in the room who was not being blessed in some way by the morning’s service. This was especially shown by the gratitude of the congregation during the lunch they provided for us after the service. It was almost impossible to walk through the room and not get stopped at least a couple times and be told how much they had enjoyed worshiping with us that morning.

Despite all of the trouble we had in the beginning of the morning the day was spectacular. God had his hand over our entire morning, and through God anything is possible. It was amazing how everything worked out perfectly and how much all of us had been blessed by the end of our time together. These are the types of services that I love. Even the simpilest things were able to make a big impact on many people. It was not even limited to what the congregation was able to get from the choir. I know that the choir was surely blessed by the congregation as well, and nothing can replace an experience like that.

Fall break is over and now the entire campus is back to work. As I said in my last post I spent my Fall break on a service trip at Youth Development Inc., a youth camp and retreat center, in Headwaters, Virginia. My experiences there were some of the best experiences I had ever had. The trip was absolutely amazing! I went with five other Messiah students on this trip. Before leaving none of us knew each other, but by the end of the trip it was as if we had known each other forever. The group of us also immediately became close to the YDI staff as well.

After leaving Messiah around 12:45 on Thursday, we arrived at YDI around 5:00. The trip there was about 4 hours consisting of I-81 and then winding mountainous back roads until we arrived at Cow Pasture Road and the Headwaters Lodge. That night they allowed time for us to just explore the lodge and relax before being put to work. The group of us then went for a hike and then on a 4-wheel drive excursion to the top of a mountain that overlooked the Alleghenies. The view from the top of the mountain was astounding. It was amazing to look out over the tree covered hills colored with fall and realize how great our God is and how amazing his creation truly is. Then we traveled back down to the lodge for dinner, ping pong, and Apples to Apples.

Friday, we woke up had breakfast a time of devotionals and went to work. Our group was split up with the YDI staff and went outside to either stain two bunk houses or clear brush. I went up with two YDI staff members and three others from our Messiah group to stain the bunk houses. After a few set backs with the stain, we were able to completely stain both houses before lunch. Once lunch was cleaned up and all of the kitchen work was done, we went back outside to finish clearing up the brush. Despite the threat of rain, we were also able to finish with the brush before getting rained on; however, we then decided to go play volleyball in the field where it immediately started raining and then pouring. We were able to get a good game played in the pouring rain.

That night a youth group came for their fall retreat. The rest of the weekend was dedicated to helping with their retreat. We went to devotionals every morning and evening. We played games with them. We served them their meals and helped in the kitchen and dishroom. During the day on Saturday, we also we able to participate in many of the activities with them including a rock wall, the high ropes course and zip line, building a house out of index cards, and a whipped cream drop.

On  Sunday we had to leave and come back to school.  We didn’t leave before going to church with a large group of the YDI staff though. After church, we continued our way through four states back to Messiah. It was so hard to come back. After a weekend of no cell service, laptops, etc. etc., I was really reluctant to come back to the real world. It was surprisingly refreshing to escape the pressures of the world and run into the woods. It was also especially hard to walk away from the five amazing people that I had become so close to. Spending four straight days with them it was hard to realize that I wasn’t likely to see them everyday from now on. I know that we will remain friends and get together every once in a while, but its just not the same as the close knit family we had become over our time at YDI. Now that I am back at Messiah and have a couple of days back over with, I am almost reaquainted to the world I left behind last week. I will never forget my weekend though and will probably always have a small part of me that wants to go back to last weekend and escape back into Virginia and the woods.

In strict contrast to my last post, it is a beautiful fall day at Messiah today. After having a very rainy and cold homecoming weekend, the past few days have been sunny and warm. It is nice to have one last little bit of warmth before the cold of winter (no matter how much I LOVE winter). The whole atmosphere is just sunny and cheerful today, and I’m sure that it has everything to do with the fact that today is the last day of classes before fall break. Once classes are over today students will all be leaving campus to go home or visit friends. After almost two months of classes, everyone is ready for a break including the professors.

This year I have decided to go on a service trip over my break. Tomorrow around noon, I will be leaving campus with five other students and heading down to Headwaters, Virginia to a youth camp. Even though we do not know exactly what we will be doing there, the thought is that we will be helping with a lot of the overall camp maintance and joining campers in activities over their weekend retreat. Last night, our group had a small get together in order to get comfortable with each other before traveling four hours in a van together and then spending four straight days together. Even in the small amount of time that we spent together, it looked like it is a great group and that we are going to have a great trip. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for our trip. I will am sure I will have a lot to blog about it when I get back to Messiah.

This semester I am taking my Bible gen ed class. Considering this is a class most Messiah students take as a freshman, I was pleasantly surprised to walk into class on the first day and see a number of upperclassmen including two girls from my FYS. After being in the class for four weeks, our first test is on next Tuesday. Having your first test or paper in any class is always hard. You never really know what to expect. How harshly is the teacher going to grade it, what does he/she see as most important in assessment, what type of questions are they going to ask and in what amount of detail etc. etc.

This class especially has been an interesting one. As many classes at Messiah do, this class has caused me to think mch more criticallyabout what I believe than before. I have felt the same way in CCC, theology, philosophy, etc. etc. It is interesting that even though Messiah is a Christian college and most everyone has the same fundamental beliefs in God, the more discussion that goes on in and out of class, the more you realize how many different beliefs there are. Throughout this first unit of Bible, we have gone in depth talking about the creation of the Bible: how it was written, God’s part in its origin, how we view the Bible, etc. etc. Through all of our discussions and listening to all different points of view it has really gotten me to think about what I truly believe about the Bible. Many of the things I would have thought to be my belief, I have realized didn’t make as much sense to me or didn’t encompass my full set of beliefs as well as another belief might. Now that I am more aware of my own beliefs as well as those of others, I can now take what I know and more completely try to form my own ideas. Hopefully studying for my upcoming test and writing my reflection paper on the unit this weekend will help me to do just that.

It is finally Friday. The complete motivation for getting self out of bed this morning was the thought that, “Tomorrow I can sleep in.” It seems to be as if this week has lasted forever. With the work load of classes picking up and the dreary weather we have had the past couple days, exhaustion has seemed to be the major theme across campus. While talking to people in all of my classes, I continuously received the answer, “Good, but tired,” to my question of “How are you?”

No matter where we are, what we are doing, or how busy we seem to be with work, it becomes extremely important to take the time to relax, even if just for a minute. Take a moment to recollect your thoughts and then start again. It was especially refreshing to be able to have Powerhouse last night and take that time to recollect myself. Whoever first planned Powerhouse to be Thursday had a great idea. At that point in the week everyone is just waiting for Friday to come. During Powerhouse though, I tend to forget what else is going on im my life and could care less what day it is or how much longer until the week is over. This was especially true last night when I focused on having my thoughts rooted entirely in God and not about the world around me. I can contribute this all to my friend, Adam, and his newest blog entry (http://acousticworship.blogspot.com/2009/09/what-is-at-stake.html) that I just happened to read last night before leaving my dorm to go to Powerhouse. Taking his words to heart, I made my whole focus be about creating a solid foundation in my faith before actually stepping into Powerhouse and worshipping. Throughout the hour of worship, I continued focusing solely on God and there was a huge difference in my overall Powerhouse experience last night. So despite the weary/drearyness of campus today, I have been refreshed enough to make it through today…and tomorrow I will be able to sleep in!