look in your heart and you'll find

I had an absolutely amazing summer. In addition to working at the daycare back home that I have been working at for the past three summers, I got the opportunity to go on a trip of a lifetime on Messiah’s May-Term Cross Cultural to Germany.  Despite not knowing anyone on the trip and speaking zero German, I had a great time, met the most amazing people, and experienced things I never thought I would. Being able to travel is one of my favorite things and this trip was definitely one of my favorites. If any Messiah student is able to go on a Cross Cultural, I would definitely recommend it. Once I got back to the states, I then got to work at the daycare. I honestly loved every minute of it. Being here is also making me miss all of my children and co-workers. I was also able to spend a great deal of time with friends and take short trips to Pittsburgh and Washington DC to visit.

It is crazy to me that I am now a senior at Messiah. Three years ago I had just moved on to campus and had no idea what to expect. While I have had some good and bad times throughout my three years so far, I am so excited to be starting my last year here. This year is sure to bring with it numerous challenges as well as exciting times, since I will be completed my student teaching experiences: Morning preschool in the lab school for this semester and full day public school teaching in the spring. Because of this I am sorry to say that my blogging might be slightly more scarce than in the past, but I will try my best and I guarantee you that I will have fun stories to write about.

This week I have experienced such a great deal of change in all that is going on. While I have spent much of the semester stressed and constantly worrying about what it to come, this week has brought me emotions which have been of excitement and encouragement. Even though the semester is wrapping up which in turn means loads of work and projects and finals, I am quite content about them. It is also nice to realize that God has had a plan for me and that God has always been looking over me ready to provide these green pastures on the other side. And now that is where I hope to be finding myself. After visiting with my family last week, I have felt much more at peace and calm about my life. Even though we were meeting in a time of grieving, we were able to gather together as a family, tell stories about the past, and enjoy the time we had together. It was a much needed time for all of us I am sure. After arriving back on campus over the weekend and starting classes, I began to notice a huge change in how I was feeling and how I was focusing on the life ahead of me. While I hadn’t fully realized how stressed, worried and frazzled I have been over the course of the semester, I now realize that I am no longer as stressed, worried or frazzled as I apparently had been. It is nice to be able to end the semester with happy feelings instead of the aparent distress I have been in. I can now look forward to Centenial Ball on Saturday, the ending of classes, reading day, and the end of Junior year.

The past couple of weeks have been slightly rough. In addition to the stresses of school work, the stress of issues involving my family and friends have been weighing heavy on my heart as well.I have been wrestling with a great deal of emotions and have felt extremely alone in them. While I know my family is wrestling with them as well, they are across the state. Until I leave to see them at the end of the week, I am at school feeling left to my own devices in order to get through what needs to be done.

This morning, however, I was given a bit of encouragement and insight into my stress by one of my second grade students. This morning one of the  young girls in my class walked into school full of unwelcome emotions which inevitably overflowed in her making her unable to do much of anything other than bawl. This young girl was experiencing the same family issue as I was. While all people react to death differently and find themselves in different situations dealing with the death of loved ones the overwhelming feeling of grief is common to all experiencing the death of a loved one. Talking to my second grade student this morning allowed me to see that being 20 years old is no different to being 8 when you are experiencing greiving. She walked into school this morning completely distraught and was still expected to take the terra novas just like every other second grader was doing in the state. After having time to talk to and receive hugs from a number of adults in the building including myself, she was able to muster up the courage and strength  in order to take her test and do the work that was required of her. It was amazing for me to  watch her. After all that she had been through and all of the emotions and thoughts she had wrestling in her, she did what she needed to in order to get through. While I have been going to class the past few days and getting my work done, it was just simply encouraging to know that I am not alone and that if an 8 year old can do it, so can I. So while I go into the schools in order to teach children, I know that in a way they are always teaching me as well. And that right there is just one reason why I absolutely love what I am being called to do.

Now after being back from Easter break I feel once again as if it has been forever since I have last written. After only being back to Messiah for just over a week before having another break for Easter, I can feel the stress of the next five weeks while we move into the end of the semester without breaking again before the end. I have had a great few weeks though. Including the nice break with family that I had over Easter, the past two weeks have been a great blessing and two is continuing with that trend.

Today has been one Amazing day and it is not even over yet. I started my day out being very nervous because I had to teach my first full fledged lesson in my second grade classroom today. Even though I had written lesson plans and prepared myself, I still did not feel completely prepared for what I was going to have to do. Once the lesson began this morning however, I felt that everything was going the way I had imagined and all of the children were actually understanding and having fun with my lesson. I was even able to get great feedback from b oth my college supervisior and my supervising teacher. With another lesson set up for next Tuesday which I am also nervous about I am extremely excited to have that positivity going into next week’s lesson.

Today is also TOMS Shoes One Day Without Shoes event, which has been quite a humbling experience. TOMS shoes is a company that provides a pair of shoes for a child in need with every pair of shoes that is purchased ( http://www.toms.com/ ). I recieved my first pair of TOMS for Christmas and have fallen in love with them. They are by far the most comfortable pair of shoes ever. Today though, I am going without them, because of this event. Every year TOMS sponsors a One Day Without Shoes event in order to gain awareness for their cause. There are children all over the world that go shoeless everyday of thier lives and are therefore subject to a number of diseases and infections. Shoes are something I have been priviledged to have my entire life and going without shoes for only one day has been slightly more difficult than I had expected. Even the smallest tasks and walking the shortest distances seems longer and more exhausting. While I am enjoying walking through the grass in my bare feet, always walking with barefeet is not all that it is cracked up to be and I am truely blessed to be able to having numerous pairs of shoes at hand to wear any time I would like.

I feel like it has been forever since I’ve written and there is no way I can write all that has happened in the past two weeks. Exactly two weeks ago from today though, my spring break started. That afternoon, the gospel choir left for our tour to Canada. Despite my nervous before leaving since I had done a great deal of the planning myself, tour was absolutely amazing. I can’t even describe in words how rewarding the trip was and how close the choir became because of it. It is amazing how we can spend at least two hours a week together as a choir and not truly know each other. During our five days on tour though, we became like family. We were able to all be impacted in such a strong way by those we sang for and those we were singing with. No matter where we were singing, at the school, a mega church, or a small country church, we were able to gather together and worship God as a group. After traveling and singing with them from Niagara, Toronto, New York, and back to Grantham, I was actually upset to have to go home for the rest of my spring break.

I definitely enjoyed my time at home though. While I spent a lot of time by myself doing nothing, it was nice to not have to worry about work and to take that time to relax. I did get to see my friends as well and get a little bit of school work done, so the entire week wasn’t completely wasted on nothing either.

Being back at school has been hard to get back into the swing of things. While break rejuvinated me it also helped to make me lazy. Being that I have been back into four days of classes though I feel as if I am getting used to being back again. Next week I will already be back in Indiana for Easter and despite just having a break, it will be nice to have a break again with family and friends.

I feel as if the past week has actually spanned over a number of weeks instead of just one. Last Thursday at this time I was home in Indiana with my friend Jocelyn showing her around my little Western Pennsylvanian town. Over her trip home with me for j-term break, we visited a number of my friends from home, toured Indiana, traveled to Pittsburgh in the freezing cold, and celebrated my Mom’s birthday. It was so nice to be able to show Jocelyn a little bit of my life at home and have a break from Messiah before starting up classes on Monday.

This week has presented itself with a number of new challenges/experiences. Monday was our first day of classes. Being a junior Education major this semester’s classes was completly blocked out for me with education classes and involves me going into the classroom two mornings a week. After not having any classes since the middle of December, it was really difficult getting out of bed on Monday and starting to get back into the swing of things. Now that a couple days have gone by it seems to be getting better, but thinking about actually having class still seems like slightly a foreign concept to me. While being at school without classes was such a nice experience, the experience of getting back to school and actually having classes is a little rough. I feel as though this will be an enjoyable semester though. While it may present itself with some new and exciting challenges, I am ready for them. I am ready to make the most of my time here at Messiah and get ready to be thrown into a classroom. Bring on Spring Semester!

I arrived on campus yesterday afternoon around 4:30 after being away for almost three weeks. While break went by super fast, I found myself surprised that I felt as if it was time to come back. Being at Messiah I have gotten used to being the first one to go back to school after Christmas and the last one to get back before. While all of my friends are still at home enjoying the Indiana snow, I am at Messiah, where snow is almost non existent. I absolutely love snow so having the snow stop falling during my travels across the state yesterday was upsetting. At home it had been snowing non-stop for three days and there were very few breaks in the snow the entire time I was home, allowing for a gorgeous white Christmas and some good times sledding.

Students are all back at Messiah going through their first day of J-term classes today. I, however, am not taking a class, but am spending my time at work and hopefully writing scholarship essays and working on being productive without any real deadlines and pressures upon me. I am hoping that this month becomes one that is extremely relaxing but allows me to be super productive at the same time. Even though I am jealous of my friends back home who still have a week or two to go until they have to be back at school and working, I am good with being at Messiah and working towards accomplishing some goals to start this new year of 2010. In three weeks, it will be break again and I will back back home and I can’t wait to see everyone in Indiana again, but until then I will be at Messiah enjoying my time.

Today was the first last day of classes…if you can follow that. This morning I had my last square dancing class and last Bible class. Tomorrow I will finish up classes with my last days of Children’s literature, reading, math, and instructional design. While finals, two papers, a group project, and UVP’s christmas concert are still ahead of me, it isn’t hard to look forward to the fact hat in less than a week I will be home and done with fall semester of my junior year. Looking back at the semester a lot of things have happened, but it seems like only yesterday that it was move in day. It is absolutely astounding to me that I have completed over half of my college career.

I am looking so forward to going home again and being with family, friends, and relaxation. After having Thanksgiving only a short time ago and talking to a number of my friends who are finishing up their finals this week, I am super excited to have an even longer break. Trying to figure out all of my plans for break it looks like I am going to have a very busy time at home, but I still cannot wait. Having no school work to do and being able to be home and visit and catch up with people is more than enough. While Messiah is getting ready to wrap up the semester and begin getting ready for Christmas, I hope you all have a great one. Christmas is the perfect time to relax and be with friends and family. I wish all of you a great, safe, healthy, and happy holiday with the ones that you love.

When I wrote my post last week, I had no idea what was yet to come with the sickness going around Messiah. While I have still been extremely fortunate to not get sick, the entire campus had seemed to fallen even further into sickness. My roommate got the flu at the end of last week and was sent home and has still not come back, even though she is feeling better. I went away this weekend as well but to visit family. Walking down my hall to go out to my car, I read everyone’s white boards as I left. All of them had something to do with sickness: “DO NOT ENTER IF YOU ARE SICK!” “I’m sick” “Staying in my room and away from sickness” etc. etc. There is apparently no one who has been able to escape.

Not to exhaust that sickness idea though (which does seem to be getting better now that the weekend is over), I am actually going to be talking about music, specifically Jason’s music. Today is the release date for Jason Mraz’s new CD, A Beautiful Mess – Live from Earth. Because of my slight obsession (I will admit it now), I pre-ordered the CD two months ago which meant that I got the CD last week. It is absolutely AMAZING! Now being to two of his concerts (one being the concert directly before he recorded his concert in Chicago for the CD), it still does not do his concerts justice. There is nothing better than seeing him live. As apposed to many artists today, Jason sounds a great deal better live than on a recording. This CD definitely shows that ability and his pure musical talent, however. His love for the world and the people in it is also clearly displayed from the CD. There is a lot than one can learn from him in order to better thier life and outlook. I have been listening to nothing but the CD for the past week. I have also watched the DVD about 5 times since then. It is just absolutely amazing. You just have to take my word for it and go out and buy it…today!

I’ll leave you with these words from Jason:

Sometimes the sun shines on other people’s houses and not mine,
And the clouds can paint the sky in a way that takes away my summer time,
And somehow the sun shines upon you while i struggle to get by
But there’s a light in everybody so send your ray of sunshine

As I sit here writing this post, I can not sit still and I cannot understand why. Today has been just one of those days where I have gone back and forth from being hyper and energetic to completely drained and then back to completely hyper. Sitting in my Bible class today, I could not sit still and was in the mood of laughing at almost everything (even those things that were not actually funny), which I’m sure was much to the chagrin of those around me. This action is currently continuing as I sit here in the office and I’m sure will continue as I go on to pick up things at the library and go back to my room to work on finishing my massive Children’s Literature paper that is due tomorrow.

Funnily, when I look back to a year ago today, I was in the exact same mood. On October 8th, 2008, I traveled up to Scranton in order to see Jason Mraz, and if any of you know me and my love of Jason you can assume I was pretty excited and needless to say…a little hyper. It is funny that a year later I am in the same exact mood, despite not going to see Jason tonight.
But despite my unexplainable craziness today, I do have things to be excited about…

1. The week is finally coming to an end. As I wrote in one of my past blogs, it has been a very busy past two weeks filled with papers, class presentations, tests, etc. etc. Even though the busyness of life will not end once I hand in my children’s literature paper tomorrow morning, it will be a definite relief to know that the past two weeks are over and all of the work that I had to do is completed.

2. Going along with school work…it is extremely exciting for me to say that I took the dreaded EDUC 301 Phonics test last night and feel pretty confident in how I did. Since I have done a number of my education classes a little out of order, I have always been in a class with junior elementary education majors in the fall and have heard their fears in taking this test, which is a two hour long, 120 question mid-term taken at night filled with a ton of information on phonics generalizations and early reading theories and practices. Knowing that I have never been able to understand phonics led me to have some worries about this test even two years before I would be having to take it myself. However, after all of the preparation that we did in class and then studying on my on for the test, I felt well prepared. So if you are an Education major awaiting this test…do not fear. You will be ready. But it is exciting to finally say, “I have survived the Phonics test!”
3. I am going home tomorrow for IUP homecoming. I have yet to be home since arriving on campus at the end of August and am not planning on going home again until Thanksgiving, so it will be nice to take a break and visit with family and friends. I love IUP homecoming too. Despite some of the cheesy things that we do, it is always fun to go watch the parade and  go to the football game. It is also just an exciting time in Indiana compared to the typical weekend in Indiana. Needless to say, I cannot wait.

So as I go off with the rest of my day…I am excited. There are lots of good things ahead of me and lots of worries behind me. Watch out world! Alyssa and her hyperness is about to leave the office!