ex(PR)essed

Apparently my 14-week leave from work also amounted to a lenghty absence from blogging. It’s not that I didn’t have anything to say, but it’s a bit difficult to type a blog entry with one hand while holding a baby with the other. And, when my baby girl was sleeping, blogging wasn’t high on my priority list. So, hence the hiatus.

But, now I’m back at work (day #4!), and as I reacquaint myself with some of my favorite student and faculty blogs, I’m feeling inspired again!

Mostly what I’m thinking about today is how my plans to do our grocery shopping got totally foiled last night. One thing that motherhood is teaching me is flexibility! All weekend I was working on my grocery list for the week (and a bit for Thanksgiving dinner) with the intention of sneaking out on Sunday night after Adele went to bed. I didn’t want to sacrifice a single moment of snuggle time with her since we spend our days apart now, and now that she’s been going to bed around 8 p.m., I figured I would be in good shape to do some shopping without her being any wiser to my absence. Well, she pulled a fast one by taking a three-hour nap from shortly before 6 p.m. until 9 p.m.! By the time she woke up, nursed, changed into her sleeper, and snuggled with us, it was after 10 p.m. No way was I venturing out then for an hour of shopping and then all the unloading and unpacking. So, I determined what essentials we need right away, and Jeff will stop on his way home from bowling tonight. I’ll revise the list and make a trip on Wednesday, the next free evening that we have.

I just chuckle a bit to myself about how complicated even a trip to the store can be with the addition of one new little person to the family. I’ve been avoiding taking Adele to the grocery store with me because I’m just not sure how that will work. It doesn’t seem to me like her car seat will safely fit in the seat of the cart, and she’s too small to sit in the cart seat. Plus, visions of a crying fit in the middle of a busy aisle swarm in my head, and I don’t know if I can deal. Also, I’m feeling like a big of a germ-phobe and don’t want to expose her to the petri dish of bacterias that is a supermarket. So, when it comes time to get groceries, I usually sneak off later in the evening while Adele enjoys some daddy-time.

Mind you, I’m not complaining. I can’t think of a single better reason to skip a trip to the store than snuggling with the sweetest baby girl you ever did see. It’s just one more reminder of what a change parenthood really is. A blissful, wonderful change.

It’s hard to believe that it’s already been a month since our sweet Adele joined our family! What a wonderful, exhausting addition she has been. We’re still not tired of staring at her…although we prefer to do it during daylight hours! We still love introducing her to people and beam with pride when people tell us how adorable she is. We are smitten!

So, some of Adele’s major milestones this past month:
–Mastered breastfeeding and successfully took a bottle!
–Went to Sunday morning church twice and even wore a dress once!
–Got her first cold at only two and a half weeks old.
–Met and charmed many, many people.
–Went to the doctor’s and had an ultrasound on her hips (all is well).
–Cried every single time mom and dad tried to take her for a walk in her stroller.
–Gained around two pounds (we’re guessing…based on how her clothes are fitting).
–Attended the kick-off of Messiah College’s Centennial.
–Slept, slept, and slept.
–Decided that napping was best done only in the arms of someone who loves her!

Prior to my maternity leave, I had visions of regular blogging complete with photos of my darling baby and perhaps a tale or two of a new recipe tried or a book finished. (And maybe those days are yet to come!) I’m only three weeks into my lifelong stint as a mother, and I’m realizing how naive I was about a lot of things…not the least of which is how I might spend my time at home.

Really, motherhood is craziness. It’s a huge paradox. I find myself both looking forward to when Adele will fall asleep so I can get a few things done and then anxiously waiting for her to wake up so we can snuggle. Every morning, usually around 4 or 5 a.m., I negotiate with her and try to convince her that it’s really sleep, not food, that she wants. (I haven’t won that one yet, by the way.) I love her to pieces, but I’m also having a mini identity crisis…trying to figure out who I am in my new role as Adele’s mother while maintaining other roles like wife, daughter, friend, and yes, eventually, assistant director of public relations again.

So, as I’ve stewed over these changes…sometimes through tears of joy and sometimes through tears of exhaustion and frustration, I keep thinking about a phrase from a U2 song in which Bono sings about “running down the road like loose electricity.”

“Loose electricity” just seems like an apt descriptor for this new mom — all at once frayed yet feeling so very alive.

Last Tuesday when I was blogging about my cankles, I could hardly have imagined that I was only a few hours away from meeting sweet Baby Lorow in person! Tuesday proved to be my last day of work and in the past seven days, Jeff and I have survived a challenging labor and delivery and fallen completely in love with one Miss Adele Elizabeth Lorow.

I’m a bit tired and emotional, so I can’t string too many coherent sentences together, but I do want to say that being a mother to Adele is the most rewarding, fulfilling, joyful thing I’ve ever done in my life. She has turned our world on its ear, and we don’t mind one bit. As a matter of fact, we can hardly do more than just stare at her all day.

I am learning that sleep is nice, but spending quiet time with your baby is nicer. Eating and typing can all be done with one hand while snuggling a sweet bundle of sleeping baby with the other. Love at first sight does exist: sometimes that type of love happens across a crowded restaurant but for me it happened in a delivery room at Harrisburg Hospital. Jeff is a wonderful father. I never doubted that he would be, but it’s endearing to witness.

We are completely smitten. And it’s exhausting and blissful and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

This is the glamorous side of pregnancy. I mean really…everyone focuses on the swelling belly and the maternal glow and decorating the nursery while the cankle goes totally unappreciated.

I must admit, on December 28 when I realized I was pregnant, the cankle wasn’t on my mind either. Instead, I was distracted by an odd cocktail of feelings that included fear, joy, apprehension, concern, anticipation, and so forth.

It was late May when I first lamented to my co-worker Kim that my left ankle had disappeared. And, since that time, it has only returned for quick, guest appearances in the early morning hours or at the end of an unusually restful weekend.

Being the realist that I am, I couldn’t not document this signficant aspect of my pregnancy. For months now, my left foot has been swelling to various degrees, and last night was a doozie. Hence the picture, which will certainly find it’s way into the pregnancy scrapbook. Interestingly enough, my right foot swells as well, but never to the same degree as the left.

I suppose you shouldn’t blog about things that you don’t want to draw attention to (and really, I’m not inviting your comments about my feet, my stomach, or my “waddle”), but I couldn’t help myself from photographing the cankle at its finest last night. Jeff and I were playing Yahtzee and eating ice cream, and I could feel my foot swelling while I sat at the table. Nearly every evening, my left foot tightens to the point where it almost feels like it’s falling asleep. One of the first times this happened, Jeff and I both freaked a bit. It had swollen so quickly and significantly that we put ice on it! Jeff is an athlete after all, and that’s what you do for injuries that bring swelling.

Well, the ice is useless, according to my doctor, so now I just watch in amazement every night as my ankle disappears and the top of my foot balloons up and up and up. (The doctor assures me this is purely an unfortunate cosmetic side effect of pregnancy and in no way treatable or of concern.) I always bring this phenomenon to Jeff’s attention, inviting him to feel the squishiness of my foot. He politely declines and always throws a sympathy nod my way for having to be in a condition that robs me of my ankles.

For the most part, ankles go unappreciated in our society. I, for one, certainly never paid much attention to mine prior to that fateful May day when the first one started to disappear. Now, second only to meeting Baby Lorow in person, I am most excited to get acquainted with my post-pregnancy body. I know it will look different and I might not feel like a million bucks, but I do look forward to having ankles (and a waist and non-sausage-like-fingers and a defined collarbone…) again. It’s such a little thing, I know, but don’t rob of me this anticipated joy.

We are exactly two weeks from our due date! I suspect, as do some wise others, that we might meet Baby Lorow before August 12, but it’s crazy to think about the nearness of this grand event after nine months of preparation.

I’ve been following the Henry Louis Gates story pretty closely. I’ve been weighing each side, trying to sort my bias, and each day re-evaluating what I think. I’m really appreciating blogger Jenell Paris’ insight.

I was pretty naive in high school. A classmate recently posted some videos on Facebook of the high school antics of many of my classmates. I don’t think I ever fully comprehended the amount of drinking that went on at my high school. It’s has been fascinating to read people’s comments about the videos; turns out that we were all pretty stinkin’ insecure about ourselves.

For the past few months, Jeff and I have played countless games of Yahtzee while enjoying bowls of ice cream. I like this tradition. I wonder if the baby will forever be soothed by the sound of five dice in a blue plastic cup?

Please tell your friends, family, and countrymen that it is never appropriate to 1) tell a woman that you noticed that she is putting on weight or 2) tell a woman that she is waddling. The next person to risk a waddling comment around me will have no choice but to waddle away from me once I inflict bodily harm. Listen, if you don’t know what to say to someone who is obviously pregnant, you could always resort to polite pleasantries like, “I hope you are feeling well today; we are so looking forward to meeting your little one.” Or, “You look adorable today; I hope you’re feeling well too!” Or, “I hope that baby is treating you well in these last few weeks of your pregnancy. We’re praying for a safe delivery and healthy baby.” Maybe instead of pointing out your weight gain to your husband, people could say things to him like, “I hope you’re being extra good to that sweet wife of yours.” Or, “We’re so happy for the two of you and can’t wait to meet the newest member of your family.” It’s really not that hard. Pregnant women are still people…even though our bellies are mis-shapen with the miracle of life, we are able to converse about more than our bodies, and we would appreciate if you made a similar effort. Rant over…for now. (Note: Snarky book or series of blog posts coming your way about pregnancy and the challenges of social interaction; stay tuned.)

Happy Friday! I’m certainly feeling ready for this weekend. The only appointment on my weekend schedule is breakfast with a special friend tomorrow morning. Otherwise, it will be nice to just putter around the house. There are cloth diapers to be washed, thank you notes to be written, meals to be prepared and frozen, and a whole variety of other pre-partum things to be accomplished!

We had our last birthing class on Tuesday, which included a tour of the delivery and maternity floors at Harrisburg Hospital. I was only half-joking when I asked Jeff if we could deliver at home instead. There was nothing awful about the place, but there was also nothing warm, friendly, or cozy about the place either. It felt very sterile and cold. Formal and unfriendly. Full of bright lights and the promise of a total invasion of privacy. But, I know, I know…I won’t care about any of that when I’m in the thick of delivery, blah, blah, blah, and then I will be so smitten with the baby that I will continue to not care. (If you’re sensing any sarcasm, bravo! I’m growing a little weary of people imposing their experiences on me as though I will have an exact duplicate experience. Really. I’m not that naive. I’m pretty sure that both Baby Lorow and I are individuals and we will create our own experience.)

Anywho, basically all this means is that we’re getting closer and closer to meeting Baby Lorow in person. And, Jeff and I are both looking forward to that!

Last weekend, I enjoyed my last baby shower. It was a small affair…just me and a few of the ladies from the young married couples small group at church. It was lovely. A delicious soup and salad lunch served on Anita’s china; fun, loving conversation; adorable presents and thoughtful cards; and a time of scrapbooking as the ladies each contributed a few pages to a brag book for Baby Lorow. The day was truly a gift to me, and I am thankful to my dear friends Anita and Allyson for treating me to such a lovely afternoon.

(from left to right: Anita, cute Ruth, Alyssa, me, Jen, Allyson, and Laurie)

And, here’s a favorite site of mine — a table covered with scrapbooking and stamping supplies!

On Wednesday, Jeff and I both took the day off work to drive to Mt. Pleasant to meet up with all the Bertrams. ALL the Bertrams, by the way, consist of my cute parents, my brother Dwayne, sister-in-law Barb, nephew Brandon, and aunt Barb. Yep, that’s all of us. Dwayne and family were visting from California, and it wasn’t going to work out for Jeff and I to travel to Meadville to see them, so Mt. Pleasant was the next best option.

I haven’t been in Mt. Pleasant since my grandma died in December. It felt really strange to be there and to not see her. She would be so excited about Baby Lorow and would enjoy seeing my growing belly. I really miss her.

But, on a happier note, it was great to see the rest of the family. When you live 3,000 miles apart, such reunions are few and far between.

After having lunch together at Applebees, we headed back to my aunt Barb’s house for the afternoon. Her home sits on land adjacent to my grandparents’ farm, and it was nice to sit on her porch and remember happy times spent on the farm.

Later in the afternoon, my cousin’s kids came over. His youngest, Savanna, was too cute, and I couldn’t help taking pictures of her. She is the spitting image of her father, which endears her all the more to me. My cousin John was always one of my very favorite people.

Here’s a picture of the Bertrams….all of us!

And, here’s one of my cute parents with their cute kids and grandkids! (Well, we’re trusting that Baby Lorow will be very cute…)

And, in case you had any doubt about how my dad would be as a grandfather, check out this picture!

Aunt Barb and the girls gave Baby Lorow a present — a whole stack of board books. One of them, “Brown, Bear, Brown Bear,” happens to be Savana’s favorite, and she promptly plucked it off the pile and took it from person to person and asked them to read it to her. At one point, she was even reading it herself! It was pretty stinkin’ adorable, and I can’t wait to see my cute dad with Baby Lorow on his lap!

Over the weekend, Jeff and I traveled to Keuka Lake so that we could join with his brother Tim in a graduation party/baby shower/spaghetti dinner. The Lorows have much to celebrate this year, so they combined all these events into one big bash! And, because of it, I’m among the few (I suspect) who can say that more than 100 people attended one of her baby showers! It was quite the party.

Jeff’s mom prepared spaghetti, sauce, garlic bread, and salad for 100 people. That’s no joke! Check out some of these prep photos.

People from the community where the lake cottage is as well as family attended the festivities. It was nice to catch up with some folks we hadn’t seen in awhile, and, in many cases, I met people I had never met before. Once again, Baby Lorow felt very celebrated. It was also really nice to have Jeff present for this shower. After all, we’re in this together!

Oh yeah…another highlight? Jeff’s sister Katie’s mint truffles. She was very popular at the party because of these babies!

It was good to see Katie’s son, Daniel. He was a bit out of sorts because he was fighting a virus, but he was still awfully thrilled to see his Uncle Jeff.

In addition to the graduation party/baby shower/spaghetti dinner, I also enjoyed our annual trek to the Windmill, a large farmer’s market in that area. I bought two loaves of delicious Amish raisin bread with frosting, a bag of Kettle Korn, and two bars of homemade soap. Success!

I have one more shower to look forward to, and then all our energy will be focused on final preparations for Baby Lorow! Hard to believe that we are probably less than five weeks away from meeting him or her!

I can’t help but notice that I’m blogging a lot more about being pregnant these days. Perhaps because my growing stomach and the little life in it is first and foremost on my mind every morning. Really, with only six weeks (or less!) to go, it’s hard not to be thinking baby almost all the time.

A perk of being pregnant that developed about halfway into my second trimester is a major boost of creative energy. (Jeff thinks that this creativity reveals that Baby Lorow is a girl. I have to admit, I love the idea of having a little girl to scrapbook and craft with, but you won’t hear me complaining if Baby Lorow is a boy either!) Lately, I’ve been directing much of that creative energy towards making things for the baby’s room or that chronicle this unique moment in our lives.

A week or so ago, I posted pictures of the mobile I made. Originally, I didn’t intend to make anything else for the nursery, but, while browsing through Michael’s on Saturday morning, I couldn’t resist buying a set of nine, plain wooden blocks. Nine blocks was perfect for spelling out Baby Lorow, and my mind was spinning with ways to decorate the blocks. I am thrilled with how they turned out!

For months, I have also been planning a pregnancy scrapbook in my head. Then I drew a rough outline on paper. And, seriously, for months I’ve stewed over how I wanted to remember this time in my life. Finally, last week, I started creating some pages. I decided that I would use the book to tell the whole story — the joys and the challenges. I want this book to be an honest look at the past nine months, not a pink and blue sparkle fest of artificial and sugary sweetness. Because, guess what? Pregnancy isn’t always fun. So, why pretend? I trust that our baby will know he/she is completely adored by his/her parents, so a grumble or two about pregnancy won’t ruin him/her for life!

So, here are the first three pages of the pregnancy scrapbook. What I find especially unusual about these first three pages is that they don’t include a single photograph! There will certainly be photos in the following pages, but, for this particular book, it felt totally right to me to focus more on the emotion of the experience.

Finally, for those of you wondering what I look these days, here’s a recent self portrait!