ex(PR)essed

Prior to my maternity leave, I had visions of regular blogging complete with photos of my darling baby and perhaps a tale or two of a new recipe tried or a book finished. (And maybe those days are yet to come!) I’m only three weeks into my lifelong stint as a mother, and I’m realizing how naive I was about a lot of things…not the least of which is how I might spend my time at home.

Really, motherhood is craziness. It’s a huge paradox. I find myself both looking forward to when Adele will fall asleep so I can get a few things done and then anxiously waiting for her to wake up so we can snuggle. Every morning, usually around 4 or 5 a.m., I negotiate with her and try to convince her that it’s really sleep, not food, that she wants. (I haven’t won that one yet, by the way.) I love her to pieces, but I’m also having a mini identity crisis…trying to figure out who I am in my new role as Adele’s mother while maintaining other roles like wife, daughter, friend, and yes, eventually, assistant director of public relations again.

So, as I’ve stewed over these changes…sometimes through tears of joy and sometimes through tears of exhaustion and frustration, I keep thinking about a phrase from a U2 song in which Bono sings about “running down the road like loose electricity.”

“Loose electricity” just seems like an apt descriptor for this new mom — all at once frayed yet feeling so very alive.