ex(PR)essed

It’s a new day. After my post yesterday, I feel like I need to reassure some of you that I have taken a step back from the ledge. The step was a small one, but it was a step nonetheless!

I thought, on a happier note, that today I would share something about the baby that I’m feeling pretty excited about and proud of. (Not that I’m not excited about the baby in general, but with the labor and delivery discussion very fresh in mind, you understand why I might focus on something special, right?)

Jeff and I looked online at a number of mobiles, trying to pick the perfect one for Baby Lorow. I stewed over the colors and what would look nice in the nursery/guest room. We didn’t want one that attached to the crib because we planned to hang the mobile over the changing table instead. There were many cute ones out there, but we just couldn’t decide. So, I got the big idea to make my own! I found a place where I was able to order the frame for the mobile, rather inexpensively by the way, so that all I had to do was think about crafting something cute.

I purchased products from the Actopus to Zelephant line at Michaels with an idea of doing a mix of alphabet and animals. On Monday, I finally settled in and started piecing together some ideas. I finished last night, and I am thrilled with the outcome! I hope Baby Lorow will enjoy gazing up this mobile.

Last night Jeff and I had our third of six birthing classes. I found the first one pretty obnoxious — lots of talk about how bad smoking is for the baby (duh!) and other things that I found irrevelant for a room full of couples at least seven months into their pregnancies. Last week, I thought the information was more helpful as we talked about the early signs of labor and practiced some breathing techniques.

But, last night was the viewing of the dreaded birthing videos as well as a rather detailed discussion about transition and the actual birthing process. Within about 10 minutes, I would have given my right arm to be anywhere else.

You see, I am a girl who highly values independence. So, vulnerability doesn’t come easily or comfortably to me. That’s the first reason why I’m dreading labor and delivery. I’m also a girl who likes to be in control and who likes to know what to expect. From what I gather, I might be able to control my breathing on delivery day, but that will be about it. The rest of my body will do as it wants. Some women would feel empowered by their body’s ability. Me? Not so much.

It dawned on me on my drive into work this morning (still driving a crummy Kia Spectra, thank you very much) that Eve is responsible for this mess (not Jeff as I might have previously been thinking). She ate the forbidden fruit and heaped a world of troubles onto women for countless generations to come. In Genesis 3, God tells her: “I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children.” Great. Thanks, Eve.

So, perhaps you can all just allow me to wallow in self-pity for a few minutes? I’ve been pretty brave about most of this pregnancy. Only a handful of people even know what it’s really been like for me; I’ve been all about a brave face and happy smile. And, at this point, I don’t want anyone telling me how it’s all worth it. I don’t want to hear about how I won’t care what my body is or isn’t doing during labor and delivery. Don’t write me comments encouraging me to be brave or offering shallow platitudes about the joys of pregnancy and motherhood.

It’s 8:39 a.m. and my feet are already four times their normal size. For today, just let me feel snarky. Tomorrow will be a new day.

Jeff, Baby Lorow, and I are feeling very celebrated this week. After a lovely shower on Saturday, we were both treated to showers thrown by our co-workers. My fabulous PR girls chose a polka dot theme, which I love, and transformed our conference room into a beautiful party. The food was delicious, the presents were so generous, and the company was perfect, especially sweet little Clara who climbed right up into my lap in between presents! (She’s the daughter of my good friend Becky…you know, the colleague that everyone mistakes me for?! Perhaps Clara was even a bit confused? Nah…)

So, while I was living it up with my friends at Messiah, Jeff was being “surprised” by his co-workers at Delta Dental. He came home with chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting and a very generous wad of cash. We continued to feel very celebrated last night as we attempted to fit all of the baby’s new clothes, toys, books, and “equipment” into our guest room closet!

You’ll probably get tired of hearing me say this, but I do feel so blessed to have so many wonderful friends in my life, especially at this time of great change! Baby Lorow is going to be one well-loved kid!

It’s amazing how a perfectly fine day (well, “fine” if I choose not to get bummed by the rain or the fact that I had to give up my Honda Civic for a Kia Spectra this morning) can suddenly, unexpectedly, and dramatically take a turn for the worse.

I breeze past Yahoo several times a day to see whether I’ve received any email. I always scan the news headlines as well because I’m just that cool. Just minutes ago, I was startled to see this — “Eddie Bauer files for bankruptcy protection” — in the little news box. Devastation and despair ensued.

I love Eddie Bauer and have for many years. There was a time when you would be hard-pressed to find much more than a business suit in my closet that wasn’t from EB. I wear their perfume. I have an EB watch, purse, and sweater stone. I have EB shoes, jackets, pajamas, and socks.

When there was an EB in the nearby Capital City mall, some of the clerks knew me by name. They offered me a part-time job, encouraging me to put in a few hours a week just to support my habit. They understood my deep affection for their store and its product. Ask Jeff about how I gasped when I realized they were leaving the mall a few years ago. I was speechless.

All I can think about now is, “Will Eddie Bauer still be in existence after my pregnancy when I can fit into all their cute clothes again?!”

Stupid lousy economy.

This is not a good day, folks. Not a good day.

…a creative Jamie, cute mom, sweet Karen, and fun Aunt Wendy in their lives. Let me tell you, that awesome foursome knows how to throw a baby shower! Baby Lorow and I felt so loved and celebrated on Saturday as we enjoyed an afternoon with our very favorite ladies. There are not words to properly express how thoughtfully and beautifully the room was decorated. So many special, heartfelt touches reflected how well Jamie knows me and were a wonderful testament to our deep, abiding friendship. I love that girl.

The theme? Vintage nursery rhymes. Perfect.

The guests? Women from church, high school, college, current and previous jobs, and some who have known me my whole life. Mothers and daughters. Good friends. Sisters. What a gift to be surrounded by so many special women, some of whom have already stuck their toes in the waters of motherhood, others who are taking the plunge with me and Jeff, and still others who are crying out to the Lord for the blessing of a child in their lives. It was a gift to be celebrating with each of them.

The food? Delicious! And abundant! Because these ladies know me very well, they elected to have an ice cream bar so everyone could make their own sundaes! Perfect!

The decorations? So thoughtful. Books and blocks. Wildflowers. Vintage stuffed animals, including a few from my childhood. Vintage buttons. Nursery rhymes aplenty. Beautiful dishes and teacups. Hand-stamped napkin rings. So much care and time must have went into each and every detail.

The gifts? Generous beyond belief! The invitations asked people to bring a favorite book so that we might start a library for Baby Lorow. Books are important to me and Jeff — we have quite a collection ourselves and both love to read, so having a library for the littlest Lorow was important to me. And, we got such a variety of fun books that I can hardly wait to start reading to the baby. We also got oodles of other adorable, fun, practical baby gifts. People were so amazingly kind.

It’s been hard for me to be the center of attention during this pregnancy, so I was feeling a little apprehensive about all eyes being on me and my growing stomach. But, how can a girl not feel totally blessed to have so many lovely, godly, caring women in her life? It just makes me giddy to think about all the people Baby/Kid/Teenager/Adult Lorow will have in their life to love and prayerfully support them. What a blessing.

Me and Jamie

Me and Mom

We were all pretty tired by day’s end, including Mr. Silas who charmed the socks off everyone he encountered. This boy is seriously cute and was, once again, a wonderful house guest! What a treat to celebrate the impending arrival of Baby Lorow with a little one that we were just celebrating and anticipating a few months ago! (Um…I totally love the little glimpse of belly in this picture. He was one relaxed guy!)

–when people don’t do what they say they will do.

–by my own inability to ask for help.

–by my own high expectations.

–when I’m inconvenienced–again–by a situation that wasn’t my own doing.

–when trying to transfer my cell phone from a corporate account to my personal liability.

–when the clock seems to stand still between the hours of 8 a.m. and 5 p.m.

–when people share too much personal information.

–when people don’t understand introverts.

–when I don’t understand extroverts.

–when your childbirth instructor makes you sit on the floor for an hour. What makes her think there’s any way for moms-to-be to be comfortable on the floor at this point in their pregnancy?

–when Keith gets too much camera time on “Deadliest Catch.”

–when sleep alludes me.

–when I dwell on the negative.

List finished. Going in search of a better attitude.

By now most everyone knows that I had some excitement last Thursday. Jeff had left in the morning for South Carolina so that he could celebrate this brother Tim’s high school graduation. I was going to a doctor’s appointment…a “peace of mind appointment”…to make sure everything was ok with the baby (and it is!). On my way home from the appointment, I was side-swiped on Route 15 by a white Buick, a car with a bit more girth than our sporty Honda Civic.

My first reaction when I got out of the car and saw the damage was tears. I know it’s just a car, but us Bertrams take a lot of pride in our vehicles. I was also suddenly realizing that I would be left to deal with the details and mess that accompany this type of event without Jeff. (But, worry not, independent, capable Beth soon came roaring to the surface and the tears were replaced with a plan that involved many phone calls and some quiet time for her and Baby Lorow.) And, I was overcome with gratitude that I was standing there, hand on my stomach, feeling the baby bounce around.

Thankfully, Baby Lorow and I were at the furthest point from impact, and we were both fine after the unexpected jolt. As a matter of fact, Baby Lorow felt like a hamster on one of those crazy wheels in the minutes after the accident. I’ve never been so grateful to feel the little one move so much! Perhaps he/she was just keeping pace with my rapidly-beating heart?!

I keep reflecting on that day’s events and feeling so incredibly grateful for the provision of my safety, the baby’s safety, and the well-being of the people in the other car. I’m also grateful for the wonderfully kind people at State Farm Insurance and at Thomas E. Brown body shop where we’ll be getting our car repaired.

So, here a few pictures of our poor Civic: $3,100 of repairs and six days in the shop await the car.

And, finally, thank goodness for electrical tape!

–Scrapbooking
–Playing Yahtzee with Jeff on our screened-in porch
–Having a picnic with Allyson, Natalie, and Emma
–Enjoying wine and cheese with my parents on their deck
–Playing bocce…barefoot
–Fixing a delicious dinner with a gourmet dessert
–Napping in Clifford, my big red chair
–Browsing an antique store or flea market
–Eating cinnamon roll french toast at Schooner or Later in Seal Beach, CA
–Soaking in a whirlpool bubble bath
–Hiking a national park
–Taking pictures