ex(PR)essed

It’s been splashed all over the headlines — this season’s “Bachelor” dumps girl #2 and proposes to girl #1 on the season finale of the show. Six weeks later, the Bachelor dumps girl #1 , on national television, and asks girl #2 to consider giving him a second chance. She agrees. Bachelor and girl #2 ride off into the sunset, both repeatedly explaining their despicable actions and questionable decisions by asserting, “We followed our hearts.”

I might be an unromantic cynic, but I think “follow your heart” is terrible advice. You know why? Because the heart is fickle. Well, at least my heart has proven to be fickle.

If I were to simply and only follow my heart, I could do any number of stupid things on any given day. I might decide that long-distance friendships are too hard and take up too much time and break fellowship with wonderful, lifelong friends. I might decide that marriage is too hard and that I don’t “get enough out of it” and walk away. I might think that working 8 hours a day is un-fun and unreasonable and quit my job so I can sleep in and lounge around the house instead.

If I were to “follow my heart,” I would probably be pretty lonely. Instead of just blindly following my blood-pumping vessel from one feel-good moment to the next, I weigh decisions and consequences and contemplate how my actions and attitudes affect other people. I think about things. I pray about things. I introduce a mental and spiritual component into my decision-making, so my fickle, sometimes-silly, and selfish heart doesn’t let me think that it’s all about me.

That doesn’t mean that my heart doesn’t ever influence the things I say or the way I say them. But, it does mean that I don’t let emotions run my life by solely informing my decisions.

I spend several evenings a week with teenage girls in my church’s youth group, and I worry that they see too many examples of people explaining away their hurtful, selfish actions by asserting that they valiantly “followed their heart.” I want my girls to know there’s nothing acceptable about mistreating people. There’s nothing romantic about breaking someone’s heart. Hearts are important, life-giving, emotion-producing vessels that God planted in our chests so that we might love Him and others deeply. But, He also gave us brains so that we might intellectually pursue Him (and others), and a spirit so that our whole selves might be nurtured in the wonder of Him.